Why is it that my freaking boyfriend is such an ass?
 
He knows that I'm annoyed. He also knows that I pay the rent here and don't really have to let him live here. Yet, he still makes me feel like shit on a regular basis.
 
I want him to choose me over his damn friends. Just once.  He told me that we would go to this damn cast party for just a little while, knowing full well that I have to work in the morning. So when I started to fall asleep in a folding chair at 2am, he didn't really even want to leave to bother to take me home. So he found someone else to do it. Some one that I don't really know.
 
I was gratefull to Kate for bringing me home, but its now 430 and the asshole is still not home.
 
Why is it that he thinks I'm going to keep being the only one making a goddamn effort?
 
I spend the majority of the time that I'm not at work alone. One would think that we were living in different states with the amount of actual time that we put in together. Yet we live in the same apartment. He does his shows, which would be different if maybe he was getting paid for them, then he goes to his castparties. Normally he drags me with him, in an attempt to show that he's not completely abandoning me to the theater. Which would be different if he didn't spend the entire party hiding from me. And then he wonders why I get annoyed.
 
Its not fair to  completely bring up all that I do for him to keep him alive, but its also not fair for him to completely take advantage of my good nature.
 
I would like to occasionally feel taken care of and important.................. He tells me that he loves me right after he has told me that he's too tired to even stay up and watch a movie with me, which he has  promised to do. "Tonight will be just for us"  BULLSHIT!
 
I can understand if he doesn't want to be in the relationship, but every time I try to talk to him about it he gets all upset that I don't just want to hear that he loves me, but I would like to be shown every once in a while.
 
The thing that really sucks about this is that I can't sleep when he's not here. Every little sound startles me awake. I have to get up for work in less than six hours. I'm going to be a complete wreck.  And I'm still awake. I came home more than 2 hours ago to get some sleep. I read until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Now I'm sitting in front of my keyboard trying to write out some of my frustration. However, it just seems to be getting worse.....
 
And I still can't sleep.