What do I want? Do I want the stability of a real "normal" job, and the time to participate in local civic theater.... or do I want to try for the life of a professional theater practicioner? Do I want to be a leaf in the wind my whole life, or do I want to settle in at least one state, if not one city? I always thought I wanted the professional theater life. I really don't think I would mind the travelling around, except that I would miss my friends that aren't in that life. I never realized how important my real friends were until I had to leave them and come back to Topeka. It took me 9 months to find another set of really close friends, and to figure out that I can keep the ones in Houston, but not as closely.... and the idea of having to start completely over again just doesn't appeal to me right now. Who knows.

I've been thinking about my educational goals/ career possibilities problem... and I've also been thinking about my problem with jobs in general (that I don't last at one for more than 9 months) I've nearly come up with the perfect answer. I should teach. I would only be teaching for 9 months out of 12 and I could use the 3 remaining months to travel.

I do see an Amazing problem with that plan though....... I don't WANT to teach. I've said my Entire life that Iwould rather starve. blah

Phones are interestingly annoying creatures. They allow instant communication across vast distances.... but are the most frustrating things on Earth when the person you're trying to connect with is already on the phone and doesn't have call waiting...

Not that I'm allowed to complain all that much... if anyone tried to call my house when I'm at home, they would be faced with endless busy signals as well. I'm just frustrated.

I am not the most observant person in the world... I thought I was... but I am wrong.
I just realized today that a friend of mine is pregnant. This wouldn't be a big deal if I never saw her... or if she was less than 4 months along. But I have been hanging out with her a decent amount for several months... and today I was informed that she is 7 months along. YIPE! I see it now, but jeez!

Why is it that when you don't want to sleep, you do, but when you want to, you can't?

I have one thing figured out. I put in my two weeks notice at Target. They're going to love me for that, as the end of my two weeks is Thanksgiving.
Now there are other problems:
What classes to take next semester?
When am I going to graduate?
What major am I going to graduate with?
What school am I going to graduate from?
Why don't I just chuck it all and go backpacking through Europe?

Oh well.... I think I have the last one figured out.

Its quite possibly the strangest thing. Two people that don't like talking on the phone will get caught up talking to eachother on the darn thing for Hours. Two nights in a row. The world is an odd place.

I guess thats why there are platypi.

I wish I had something positive to say today.... I just . don't.

I don't think I'm ever going to settle down. I'm not talking about marriage and kids at all. I'm talking about becoming anything less than restless. I don't know that I've ever stayed in one job for more than 9 months. And I've just gotten to that mark with Target... and I just can't stay there anymore.... maybe I'm not meant for retail... maybe I need to have some incentive to stay that goes deeper (either in the pocketbook or mentally) than any of the jobs I've had until now... I don't know. All I Do know is that I don't want to be there at Thanksgiving. ... They're not all that upfront about store policies..... can't take days off between Nov 1 and January 15th... store stays open for "extended hours" starting the day after Thanksgiving (I still haven't been told that officially, I found that out from someone else that works there. Maybe thats it too... I just don't trust the store. Weird thought.

I'm looking for a new job already. But I'm not finding anything that interests me. I don't know if anything non-theater would interest me for very long. GRRRR!

I'm going to see if an accessory store in the mall is still hiring assistant managers, because that would be higher pay and some sort of responsibility that I don't have a Target....... and I did officially get my hours for my teaching job in the spring today.

Which brings me to another problem. If I take the teaching job in the spring I won't be able to take any of the theater classes that I need to graduate. I don't think I really need anything but theater classes to graduate. I really wish I had never transferred back here... because I would have been graduating with the degree I WANT in less than a month. I hate this.

yea yea furbs, this one wasn't funny

Tonight I was able to see the most beautiful site ever. I walked out of my front door to view the aurora borealis. The sky was nearly a neon red with a blue green ribbon below it. I have never before see the northern lights except in pictures. Its just awe inspiring.

Update on the research paper. I changed my topic. I had submitted two, because my work on the Globe theater had the probability of a huge snag. That snag was not being able to get an interview with Dr Sydney Burger at the University of Houston. He was the historian for the rebuilding project in London. He is a very busy man, and when I was at the University the only contact I was able to have with him was carrying some donations into the building for him. Therefore, I'm writing my production notebook for the Edward Albee New Playwrights Workshop. It was a painful experience, so I have to milk it for all its worth.

YEA! no research involved!!! :)

I must really hate my job. I wasn't able to work because of other problems, that were well forseen, for the last month. This week I was able to get my hours back up from 9 to probably 25..... yet now I'm having unforseen problems. I have strep throat, or maybe tonsilitus... so I'm not at work. But because I took a semester off from school, I am also not insured and can't run to the doctor to get better. BLAH! I could get insurance through work... but I really don't want to stay there. I have a new idea.

I think I'm going to start sending my resumes to local radio stations to see if I can secure and internship position for the coming semester as an audio engineer intern. That way I can start getting real experience with the equipment, and possibly radio personalities that can write me recommendations.... the only problem that this doesn't answer is that I don't have insurance. I guess I'm just not going to get sick ever again.