I love history. So why is it that I dread researching the history of The Globe Theater? The paper is due on Monday evening, and I just don't want to do it. The only thing I really want to do right now is sleep. I don't even really want to post today, but I feel like I should since it might possibly wake me up and make me write this damn paper. I hate apathy.

Why is it that thinking can be dangerous? I'm not talking about thinking that leads to terrorism or mass murder, but thinking about relationships. Why is it that something that should be pleasurable, like thinking about your significant other can cause terror and paranoia? Oh yea, right, because thinking and paranoia are about the same thing.

Poor Kirk.

I was sent a posting about a job that is now available. This job represents the end of my goal.. its where I really want to be. Here's where the niceness of having been sent the posting and the reality of life take completely different directions. I don't have enough experience to even think about applying for the job. If by some odd miracle I got the job, I wouldn't have the knowledge and ability to hold onto it. Which would ruin any chance of me having this job when I Do have the knowledge and experience to control it.

What is this job, you might ask? The head audio engineer for the Steppenwolfe Theater Company in Chicago, Illinois. ::sigh::

I hate being sick. I don't know exactly what's wrong with me, but I do know that its not anthrax.... ok ok, not funny, but still. I am of the opinion that I really need to go to sleep and not wake up until Thanksgiving. Not that I would stay asleep that long, but at least the cold/flu/sinusus/whatever would be gone and so would a big portion of November..... whoops, I would miss my birthday.

Ok. Maybe a nap for a couple of hours.... or I could work on my paper that is due on Monday

I've gained another enemy.
And this time I might have sort of deserved it, but it was more through lack of knowledge on both parties sides. I didn't know that someone that was hired 2 weeks ago was my superior and she didn't know that if she was watching the jewlrey boat, she can't go work on a checkout lane. She has been working at Target, literally, for about 2 weeks. She decided that I had only been hired the week before she was, so I shouldnt' be telling her anything. I'm only a level one.......... I dont' think she's going to last very long, as she's pissing off people above her. She's now a level 2 (which annoys all of the level ones that have been there for very long) but she's telling everyone that she knows everything there is to know about the store.


As a sidebar. I think the reason we dislike eachother so much is that we're a lot a like. I'm just not as loud and obnoxious about it.... and I also figure out who my friends are and who my enemy's friends are before I open my mouth about how annoyed I am..... dumbass. Its just a personal thing with me, if you say something about someone, its going to get back to them.... especially when they tell someone that the person is really good friends with.

OK. I think I'm ready to post about this now.

Last night after the show I went out with my exboyfriend for a drink. Its just really weird now, because before we dated we were really good friends... and now we can't talk about anything but went wrong with either our relationship or any of the many others he's been in... oh yea...and that he's sexually frustrated. Yea. That was sure my favorite conversation ever. At least I got to call him on the obnoxious condom thing. hankfully it wasn't for me... it was for someone else that is in a bad relationship that he wants to rescue.... jeez, where have I heard that before?

Ok, this isn't my normal kind of light hearted post... and it really wasn't all that bad..... We did eventually get back to normal conversation, and I think we may weather this storm and be able to stay friends..... I just don't think I'm going to mix him into my new group of friends.

I should stop reading top 10 lists. The ones that think they're being serious anyway... and especially ones that deal with 80s music. Its an absolute travesty. The songs they claim are the very worst of the 80s are the ones that I love the most. Grr..... Who are they, the technogeeks at msn, to judge fun, happy, silly music.

I went to see a production of Dracula (as redone by a local high school theater teacher) last night. It wasn't as hokey as I thought it was going to be. The person who played the count (Shaun Marcott) was good although he had a very odd resting stance, where he made kind of a W with his arms and had his hands in loose fists... kind of like a weird exaggerated shrug. The performance would have been largely forgettable if it hadn't been for one actor, Carl Peckham. Carl just really needs to leave Topeka and audition for something bigger than the Topeka Civic Theater. As Mr Renfield he was funny, insane, and in the end Extremely painful to watch die.

I'll grant that you're not supposed to be happy that Renfield dies. But Carl's portrayal of a man fighting his inner demons while asking the people around him to pray for his soul would be heartwrenching anyway...but Carl also made you See that Renfield's neck was broken and he had been ravaged by the vampyresses. Carl is just too talented to be wasted on the Topeka stage.

The ending of the show was mediocre at best and used the deus ex machina escape route.... they had a rope that would open the shutters over Lucy's tomb? And Dracula can be banished with mere sunlight? Somehow, I don't think so. Although they did address the fact that they didn't kill the count by having him raise his hand out of the ashes of his cloak right before curtain call. What they didn't address was what he did after he didn't die..... Would he just leave the Harkers and the doctors alone because they knew that sunlight was an anathama.... hmmm... he seemed to like revenge a little bit more than that.

Anyway. It was a fun show aside from all of the mistakes in Dracula lore (I know better than to say vampyre lore, since Kirk and Critter will both inform me otherwise.) I couldn't think of a much better way to spend Halloween.

Updates:
Cow's gone.
Mailbox isn't.

So, should I worry that my ex-boyfriend has called me 4 times in the past two days wanting to get together, with the excuse that he's bored? I'll admit that he has no idea that I'm seeing someone... and thats not because I don't want to tell him... its more because there hasn't really been a way to work it into the conversation.
I just don't know...... something I do know is that in only spending 3 days with the guy I'm currently seeing, I know I couldn't ever go back to Willie. I just deserve to be treated better.... I just kind of want to know what's going through his head..................
that and he bought (Willie) bought "supplies" (condoms) while I was at the grocery store with him the last time we hung out... which was just a Little bit disconcerting. He should know better.

I really really really hate distance.
Went out with the boys tonight... actually, oddly enough, the person I'm being silly about's boys to be exact.... and while it was a lot of fun, I probably missed out on talking to him... again. :(

If anyone can tell me who my family has angered, it would be greatly appreciated. In the last month someone has killed two mailboxes. They were poor little defenseless mailboxes and weren't even strangely painted or decorated to attract attention (unlike the extremely strange florescent yellow mailbox down the street from my old elementary school) And yet, two of them have had to die.
The first one had been through several other attacks and even been shot a few times... but it couldn't survive being pelted with a cinder block. And the last one didn't have a chance, it looks like they possibly hit it with an ax and a baseball bat, killing both the box and the stand it was on. ... my dad's starting to talk of revenge. He wants to pound the dents out of the first mailbox, place a smaller mailbox inside of it, and fill the rest of the space with cement. Then he wants to place the box on an oil pipe that has also been filled with cement...... I told him he should also paint a target on it.

I wasn't all that worried about it, until last night. I assumed it was some bored kids from Meriden that were out attacking mailboxes and that ours was the last on the stretch of road between Meriden on Topeka Blvd that they wanted to hit.... but I drove to Meriden yesterday to survey the damage.... and there was none. Our mailbox is the only one thats been hit.

So, if you have any information about who one of us has angered, please contact me. Thank you :)

I talked to my art history professor today. She hadn't even noticed that I had been missing an unusual amount of classes until I asked when she had mentioned that the class was taking a field trip to the Nelson Atkins museum. They went last Thursday, and when I showed up for class, there was no one in the room.
She was very understanding and gave me the assignment sheet and advised me that there were a lot of people in the class that hadn't gone and I should get together with one and make a day of it.... I think I'll pass.

She also told me and a fellow classmate that they should outlaw 8am classes. I agree.

I saw the most random thing this morning on the way to class.
While I'm used to people having hit cats or dogs or deer on the road, a cow is a first. How do you manage to hit a cow? I recognized the cow as being one that tends to escape from the fence, but it was still on the same side of the road that the fence is... and it was definitely dead. Yet, there was no car left in the ditch along with the cow to say who had been stupid enough not to swerve around a cow. They are big and can do a lot of damage, I would expect, to something as poorly defended as a moving vehicle. There weren't even any tire marks that would explain that the driver tried to stop or get out of its way. I just don't get it. I wouldn't hit a cow... the only things I've ever hit were a hawk that really hit me (rather than the other way around) and a rabbit that I couldn't see.

Poor cow.

Its an oddly satisfying feeling when you realize that someone who once could control your opinions, time, whatever no longer has that over you. And that the person knows it. At one time, I would run whenever this one person would call.... and he called today. It took me 5 hours to even return his first, of two, calls and that I didn't jump and run because he wanted to see me. HA! He sounded really disconcerted. I know, its bad to have a victory over this kind of thing, but so what. I love it. He never deserved the amount of control I let him have.

YEA! I finally fixed my good computer. Not totally though, because I think the subwoofer is broken so I'm not getting any sound out of the speakers. Oh well... at least I can play online and watch good tv (not stupid late night crap on public access) again. Whoohoo!

I am a complete slacker. No questions asked. I finally pulled out my notebook that contained all of my course syllabi. And after the dust was cleared away I found that there was no mention in my art history syllabus about a trip to Kansas City (whew) but that I have a project due in my intro to theater class on November 5. For some reason I assumed that it would be due much closer to finals. Eep!
I haven't even really chosen a topic. At least I don't do presentations. I hate them.

Jeff's probably going to kill me anyway. I haven't turned in anything on time in that class yet... mainly because I've been so concentrated on other stuff..... which reminds me, I have a paper due tomarrow in his class that I was supposed to turn in two weeks ago. Oh well... guess I'll write it tomarrow (just kidding, I wrote it the day it was due, I was just having printer problems, and now I can go back and edit some more.)

I hate it when, through close association, you know when someone's hurting and can't do a damn thing about it. I've been reading my friend Shaun's weblog and I can tell that there's something really bothering him... but I'm so far away that there's nothing I can do or say to make him feel any better... not that i could to begin with. But since I know him so well, I can almost feel his pain... and thats just reading his words, not being in the same room with him.